


Swimming In The Moonlight

by honorablementioned



Category: Adam (2009), Charlie Countryman (2013), Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety Attacks, Blow Jobs, Crossover Pairings, Falling In Love, First Meetings, Fluff, Hannibal Cre-Ate-ive, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Spacedogs Appreciation Week, Spacedogs Summer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-21
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-12-05 03:22:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11569269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honorablementioned/pseuds/honorablementioned
Summary: Adam pauses for a moment. "...A woman moved into three-A.""All right, now that's lunch talk. So?""So, that's all. A man moved into two-A, too, right next to me."Harlan raises a brow at that. "A man?" He catches the flush that comes to Adam's face and hums. "So?"Adam pauses again. "...He looks nice."--A remix of Adam (2009), where both Beth and Nigel are Adam's new neighbors.





	Swimming In The Moonlight

Adam doesn't know what to do in this situation.

It's been two weeks since his father passed away; two weeks of routine, minus the company that he's grown to expect each and every day. It's been two weeks of work, two weeks of star charting and watching the Actor's Studio at dinner, and two weeks of chores that take him longer than he's used to. 

In those two weeks he's not gone to the grocery store, he has not seen his friend Harlan, and he hasn't done any of his laundry.

In order to go and buy groceries and to see Harlan, he needs to do laundry.

Adam's dirty clothes pile up in a bag in his closet. It's filled to the brim with sweaters and jeans and briefs. His dad taught him how to load the washer, how to add one cup of his skin sensitive detergent, and how to use the designated laundromat card that every tenant in the apartment has possession of. He was taught to put them in the dryer and to fold each article of clothing properly as soon as they were done.

He looks at the bag hanging in his closet and frowns. Pajamas aren't appropriate to do laundry in, but they're the only thing he has left aside from the suit on the hanger that's dry clean only.

No one is in the hallway when Adam drags his laundry bag out of his apartment with one hand. His other hand is holding the suit jacket closed, trying to wade off the chill of the autumn air. He didn't think this through. He feels off balance, and not just for the fact that he's half naked and unaccustomed to the feel of the polyester against his bare chest. There was no plan for this, no scheduled time to do the laundry like he's used to, and it throws everything off kilter.

Wednesdays are laundry days, but it's Thursday. He didn't remember and no one was there to remind him of his ever growing pile of clothes. Adam can get overwhelmed, over indulgent in things that he likes - like stargazing and model building - and he didn't check the chore list on the fridge. Every two weeks on Wednesday his dad is supposed to do laundry. But Adam didn't check, didn't remind himself to check, and it's Thursday.

Adam startles as he comes down the stairs, because there's a woman standing at the laundromat door. She's jiggling the handle of the door, pulling at the lock, and Adam can only assume she's trying to do her laundry as well. 

She looks up and Adam swallows harshly.

She's plain looking, but pretty. He looks over her features quickly, noting the dark hair and dark eyes and pale skin. She smiles at him and he doesn't smile back.

"Oh, hi. Is this open? I mean to residents. Do you have a key?"

Adam takes a moment to respond and doesn't look at her directly. "Uh, yes."

"I just moved in," She says, smile never faltering. "Beth Buchwald, three-A."

"Adam. Second floor, two."

He makes a move to back up, but she asks, "You're not doing your laundry?"

"Oh, uhm. Yes." Adam furrows his brow and looks at his bag that's obviously full. 

"Looks like a bit of an emergency...Would you mind letting me in?"

"Oh. Yes. Yes, sure."

He fumbles for a moment to get the keys out of his jacket's pocket and shakily unlocks the padlock. The door gives way and he drags his bag inside. Beth follows him after a moment and continues talking.

Adam hauls the bag up to the laundry bag up and dumps it all into the washer. The detergent is poured in, the card is swiped to start the load, and the lid is shut. He takes a deep breath - Beth is still talking, but it doesn't interrupt the moment of peace that comes with completing a known routine.

" - This place is bigger, though. And it's right around the corner from Wildwood."

He listens and thinks about Beth in her three-A apartment. "Can you...Can you see the sky from the third floor?" 

"Hm? I guess I could if the windows weren't covered in soot. But anyway, some nerve, right? Calling a school in the middle of Manhattan Wildwood. But it's just temporary - my job, not the name of the school. I'm actually a writer for children's books. What do you do?"

"I make toys." Adam fiddles with the card in his hand. He needs to go. He needs to go back to his apartment and have lunch and start on the new model that came in the mail yesterday -

"You're an elf?" She asks, and that actually makes him laugh, because elves aren't real, and asking if he's a fictional creature makes him wonder if she really believes in such a thing.

"I'm an electric engineer." 

She hums and tries to push a few buttons on the washer, giving up after a few moments. "You need a card for the washer, huh?"

"No, I have one." Adam frowns and shows the card he has in his hand. 

"Funny," Beth smiles. "I think I left mine in my room. Could I borrow yours for now?"

"Oh. Yes."

He hands her the card and tries to not think about the fact that now he'll have to talk to her again in order to get the card back to use the dryer. He tries not to think about the way she smiles at him because he doesn't know why she's smiling. Is this a humorous situation? Does she like their banter? He can't bring himself to smile back, and instead moves to exit the laundry room because there are far more understandable matters to tend to.

He grips onto the lapels of his jacket and pulls the fabric tighter around himself as he rushes up the stairs back to his apartment.

There's a faint sound of the scuffle of shoes and Adam forces himself to look up at the noise. A man - tall, broad shouldered, sharp features, _attractive_ \- comes from the first door on the second floor, right next to his apartment. There's a cigarette in his mouth, a lighter in his hand, a scar on his forehead and a tattoo of a woman on his neck. Adam bites the inside of his cheek.

"Excuse me," He says, trying to move around the man to get into his own apartment. There's such a small gap between the two of them and Adam nearly seizes as a large hand comes to rest on his shoulder.

"Pardon me, gorgeous."

The voice is deep, accented, and even though he pushes off Adam to move down the hall, Adam stops to turn towards the man. 

The correction bubbles out his throat without a second thought. "My name is Adam, not gorgeous."

A laugh rings through the small hallway and Adam looks up at the man. There's a brief second of eye contact - dark, maroon eyes stare down at him, and the man is smiling just like Beth was before. It's smaller though, a quirk of his lips. 

"Adam, then." He says, accent slurred around the cigarette in his mouth. He gives a short nod and turns to finally leave.

Adam releases a breath he hadn't known he was holding.

Two new people in one day. Two conversations, however short they were. Two new neighbors. Two possible new friends.

Adam lets himself smile as he shuts the door to his apartment. 

\--

The cold air is picking up some as winter approaches, but it doesn't stop Adam from sitting on the stoop.

He can't take his eyes away from his laptop - the pictures from NASA's website are slow to load, more than likely because their server is overloaded from the influx of visitors. Adam understands the excitement and knows he's only adding to the lag, but he doesn't want to exit the browser in case he might miss something.

The sound of wheels against the pavement don't do anything to deter his attention. He only glances up when he hears Beth say, "Hi neighbor."

"There are new images of Saturn from the Cassini Project." His heart flutters at just the mere thought of getting to see the images, however low quality they may be.

"Oh. God. I wish I knew more about space." She hauls her rolling grocery cart up the steps some and leans over Adam to take a peek at his laptop. The images are starting to load.

"You did? Like what?" He looks at her now, hope swelling in his chest. 

"I don't know. You know, what's out there." She gestures to the sky.

"You have to narrow that down...But I have books. Telescopes. Star charts. You could...You could borrow some stuff. Or-Or we could go out, tonight. Look at the sky."

"Maybe," Beth says, and she gives him a small smile like she did the other day. His stomach twists at the sight and he looks down at his laptop again.

"Okay."

She says something else, but Adam loses himself in thought. He swallows harshly and lets his eyes focus on the images of Saturn that have finally loaded. The grainy texture is bothersome but the possibility this project brings outweighs the low quality of the pictures.

The door shuts and Adam goes to close his laptop, but the sound of shoes against the pavement and the smell of smoke is suddenly in the air.

Adam looks over and the man from the other day is crouching down to sit next to him on the stoop. His mouth is curled around another cigarette and he pulls it back after a moment to let some smoke escape from his mouth.

"Smoking is dangerous to your health." He frowns. "Nicotine, while seemingly harmless compared to other substances, is actually just as addictive as heroine or cocaine. It contains over seven thousand chemical agents, seventy of which are contributed to various forms of cancer that include the mouth, throat, nasal cavities - " 

"Do you make it a habit to educate people on the hazards of smoking, gorgeous?" His neighbor asks, looking at Adam with a tilt of his head.

"My name is Adam. And yes, because the dangers - "

"I know the risks, darling, don't worry."

"Adam."

The man cocks a brow at him and huffs a laugh. "I didn't forget your name."

"Oh."

Adam glances back at his laptop and the man leans over then, his chin almost touching Adam's shoulder. Adam seizes like he did before when the man had put a hand on his shoulder, but he forces himself to relax. He's close. The smell of smoke is everywhere. 

"What's that?" The man inquires, pointing his cigarette towards the screen.

"Oh. There are new images of Saturn from the Cassini Project."

The images are fully loaded now and Adam pulls them up in different windows to show the man the different angles of the planet. 

"You're a cosmonaut?"

Adam furrows his brow. "I'm an electronic engineer."

The man huffs a laugh. "With the way you look at these pictures I can't see you as anything other than a cosmonaut, gorgeous."

Adam forces himself not to remind the name of his name - he said he remembered, but Adam highly doubts that. 

"I make toys. I developed a voice recognition program that can have a doll speak back to you when spoken to and be able to recognize when different people are speaking and address them accordingly. If I were to say, 'Hello Kelly,' she would then reply, 'Hello Adam,' and if you were to speak she would say 'Hello - ' "

"Nigel."

" 'Hello Nigel', " Adam nods, then pauses. "Nigel?"

"My name, darling. It's only fair to give my name after hearing yours." He leans back and blows a puff of smoke away from Adam before stubbing the butt of the cigarette out on the pavement. "I need to run, but tell me more about those pictures sometime, gorgeous."

Adam's heart starts racing. "You want to learn about space?"

"If you're the one teaching me I do," Nigel says and winks. Adam watches as Nigel stands and makes his way back into the apartment. 

But Adam stops him. "We could - we could go tonight. We could watch the stars. There's a spot I know in the park. "

Nigel pauses, then grins. "I admire your eagerness. Tonight, then. I'll be in at eight."

"Eight o'clock..." Adam repeats, nods, and lets himself smile.

"I'll knock on your door, darling. Door number two?"

"I - Yes. Second floor, two."

Nigel nods and gives a wave before going back inside the apartment complex. Adam shuts his laptop and sighs, sets it aside and bites his lip. The man wants to go see the stars with him and wants Adam to teach him about space. It makes him feel warm in his gut, like after he had heard about the new images of Saturn, or when he watches Julia Robert's episode of the Actor's Studio. He likes this feeling a lot.

He watches people for a moment and hears the door to the apartment building open again. Adam turns and expects to see Nigel - hopes that it's Nigel just so they can maybe talk more about tonight's plans - but it's Beth instead. 

"What are you doing?" She asks, crouching down much like Nigel had done earlier.

"People watching..." He replies. He wrings his hands together at his knees and lets his gaze flitter past the people on the sidewalk. He takes in their stances, their own wandering eyes. Two men look at a woman's backside as she passes them and he furrows his brow.

"Listen," Beth says, "I'm going out with some friends tonight if you want to come."

"Oh." 

"They're people, so you could...watch them. But if not, that's fine."

Adam bites his lip and thinks of Nigel. He thinks of going stargazing with his other new neighbor and swallows harshly.

"No, I want to. But - But I don't think I can."

"Okay, if you're busy - "

"Yes."

Beth nods and leaves it at that. She goes to stand up and bids Adam a farewell before going back inside.

Adam lets out a long sigh. He has plans for tonight. It'll be during his free time before bed, so he'll have enough time to have dinner at seven. He'll get to show Nigel the stars. The thought makes him smile.

\--

For the last thirty minutes after dinner he's been fidgeting. He had his usual meal with his usual television program. He washed his dishes and put them away in the cabinet. He's been debating on bringing his telescope with him. He knows they're meant to stargaze, but he doesn't know how much Nigel actually wants to learn tonight. A beginner's lesson is the best route so he forgoes the telescope to rely on himself to point out the stars. The jacket he has on is the one from earlier - big and blue and comfortable for sitting in the park at night.

He leans against the wall next to the front door and watches the clock. It ticks past at its normal pace, but Adam feels the urge to check the batteries because it feels like it's going too slow. 

He's nervous. He's going outside with a stranger - no, an acquaintance - and he's going to show them the stars. He knows he'll talk too much given the subject. He thinks back to the way Nigel had smiled at him when he suggested going to see the stars tonight. He wishes he knew why he had smiled like that. Adam smiles, too, but he knows why he's smiling. Adam doesn't know why anyone would smile towards him. 

There's a few sharp rasps against his front door and the clock reads that it's eight exactly. Adam takes a deep breath and opens the door and sees Nigel standing there. There is no cigarette in his mouth, but he's smiling. He looks down at Adam and licks his lips and Adam catches a quick look at his eyes - dark and dilated, and Adam wonders if he should ask.

"Are you ready, gorgeous?" He asks Adam. Adam nods, not commenting on the man's apparent sign of arousal, and closes his door behind him before locking it securely.

He leads Nigel out of the apartment complex and onto the street. Central Park is close by and he leads them to a secluded area. At this time, there's hardly any people around, and so it's just the two of them that sit on the bench as the sky fades into a deep blue hue.

"Do you come here often?" Nigel asks. He pulls out a pack of menthols from his own jacket pocket. Adam wants to remind him about the hazards of smoking again, but Nigel told him he knows the risks. 

"My dad brought me out here to watch Hale Bopp for five nights in a row, once. Voyager two will pass within four point three light-years of Sirius, other wise known as the dog star...in approximately one hundred and ninety six thousand years..."

Adam trails off after a moment, not daring to look at Nigel but at the trees in front of them instead. The raccoons are out again, foraging for food. 

"Why did you stop?" Nigel puts an arm over the back of the bench, almost around Adam's shoulders. 

Adam pauses, keeps his gaze on the raccoons in front of them. "I have this thing - uhm...Asperger's Syndrome? One thing about it is not knowing what people are thinking. It doesn't feel like anything to me, but I know people wonder...My brain works differently than an NT's - "

"NT's?" Nigel asks.

"Neurotypicals. Sometimes I can't understand them, especially if they say one thing but mean another thing...most Aspies - people with Asperger's - are really honest. I don't like lying. I can't handle lying. And that's part of why I ask people directly what they're feeling. When I was younger I would have thought just because I liked a certain subject that you would like it to, or if I was sad then you would be sad as well...they call it mind blindness. So I had to learn to ask what others were thinking, feeling..."

Nigel nods and curls his arm fully around Adam's shoulders, drawing them closer together. "You prefer people to be direct with you instead of using sayings or metaphors to describe something, correct?"

Adam nods and feels a shudder run through him from their close proximity. His shoulder is practically digging into Nigel's chest, but he can't bring himself to pull back. 

"I know how people react from experience. I just...wanted you to know before anything happened and I confused you. I get excited about things and have a tendency to keep talking about them, even though the other person may not be interested."

"I am interested. I didn't want you to stop, gorgeous." Nigel takes a puff from his cigarette and exhales away from Adam's face. "I wanted you to tell me about the stars tonight."

Adam bites his lip and looks at the sky, then towards Nigel. His heart is racing, from his explanation and from his growing arousal. Nigel is an attractive man, much like Beth is a pretty woman. But under the night sky he looks like the most beautiful person Adam has ever seen. 

"Are you excited?" He has to ask, nearly bouncing on the edge of the bench.

"Excited?" Nigel quirks a brow and Adam huffs out a breath.

"Sexually, I mean. Because I am and I wanted to know if you are too - "

Nigel laughs sharply and Adam's stomach flips with anxiety. It wasn't suppose to be a joke, and he goes to apologize, but Nigel is throwing his cigarette down and crushing it with the heel of his shoe.

"Your honesty is refreshing, especially after the few months I've had." Nigel tilts his head down towards Adam's and brings his hand up to cup Adam's cheek. 

"I was just - I - "

"I've been very excited since I first saw you, darling." Nigel sighs heavily and leans in towards Adam, and _oh_ \- 

Their mouths press together and Adam stills. He's never kissed anyone before. He briefly thought about kissing Beth when he first met her, because she's a pretty woman and he knows that's generally what people do. But Nigel is a man. A broad, sharp, heavy man who's kissing Adam. He wants to kiss Adam, wants Adam to kiss him back.

Slowly, tentatively, Adam presses back against Nigel. He feels the soft press of Nigel's tongue against his lips and he parts them slightly, lets the wet muscle press against his own tongue. He shivers and Nigel curls him arm closer around him, lets his hand cup the side of Adam's face tenderly. Adam's hand comes up to grip at Nigel's arm, clutches at the leather of his jacket like a lifeline.

Nigel tastes like nicotine and menthol - smokey and minty - and Adam's dizzy from it.

Adam pulls back after a few moments. His cheeks are burning and his eyes are wide, more than likely blown dark with arousal. His erection is pressing against the zipper of his jeans uncomfortably.

"That was nice," Adam whispers. He doesn't look Nigel in the eye, instead focuses on his chin, his cheek, his shoulder. "I'm glad you're excited."

Nigel chuckles and presses another soft kiss to his lips. "I am very excited. But I want you to keep telling me about those stars of yours, gorgeous."

They aren't really his stars, Adam almost says, but sitting here with Nigel makes them feel like his regardless.

\--

"But their sensor systems have detected an error in analyzing space radiation - "

"Adam, I'm having lunch. Speak English."

"I'm sorry. You see, the Star Tracker system is - "

"No," Harlan holds up a hand to Adam. "No more background radiation, black holes, or Mars robots. Lunch time is for guy talk. Two guys talking about women, the weather and such. You got it?"

"But the Star Tracker system - " Adam tries.

"No."

Adam pauses for a moment. "...A woman moved into three-A." 

"All right, now that's lunch talk. So?"

"So, that's all. A man moved into two-A, too, right next to me."

Harlan raises a brow at that. "A man?" He catches the flush that comes to Adam's face and hums. "So?"

Adam pauses again. "...He looks nice."

"Are you gonna meet him?"

"I already did."

"You did?" Harlan takes a sip of his coffee. "What did you do?"

Adam thinks of their night in the park and smiles. "He looked at the stars with me."

"Well!" Harlan grins. "You gonna see him again?"

"I see him almost every day," Adam says. "We talk a lot."

"Just talking? Adam, you need to ask this boy out. Take him to dinner."

"But I c-can't - " Adam frowns, thinking of his routine. His schedule. "How am I - "

"If he's willing to sit and look at those damned stars with you, I bet he'll be over the moon about you asking him out to dinner."

"Harlan, he can't physically be over the moon. The moon is - "

"Hang on," Harlan says, fishing his ringing phone out of his pocket. "Some idiot locked himself out of his car." 

He goes to stand, but Adam protests with a, " _Harlan_ \- "

"Follow through, young man." Harlan shakes his head at the boy and waves him a goodbye. He wonders what exactly he's pushing him into, but this is the first time Adam's shown true interest in someone and he's not about to question it.

\--

Adam sees Nigel quite often over the next couple of months.

The man spends most of his time in his apartment. He greets Adam every morning before he goes to work at nine o'clock, usually in his boxers and an old, faded button shirt with dachshunds on it. He smells like coffee, nicotine and mint and Adam can't stop himself from pressing a kiss to his mouth with every, "Good morning, gorgeous."

Adam lingers a bit too long each time, but he's worked it into his routine. He gets up five minutes early to spend an extra five minutes making out with Nigel before he heads out for the day.

He has lunch with Harlan every other day. The man always asks about his neighbor - he specifies that he means Nigel and not Beth before Adam can ask him which one. He thinks about their kisses and Nigel's smile and ends up stuttering out different answers every time he's asked.

"He's Romanian," or, "He likes dachshunds," or, "He asks me to tell him about my stars every night."

Harlan always shakes his head and pats him on the back, just glad that someone is making Adam happier than he's ever seen him.

In the evenings when he comes home after work Nigel is there. Sometimes he has take-out with him, always considerate to give Adam macaroni and cheese and steamed broccoli from whatever restaurant he went to, and sometimes he'll have Adam's usual freezer dinners. He doesn't seem to mind Adam's consistency when it comes to his food - he doesn't seem to mind his consistency with anything, for that matter. 

He's fine with not talking during their meals. He sits with Adam and listens to reruns of the Actor's Studio. He knows to smoke outside or near an open window when he's visiting Adam's apartment. Nigel listens to him go on about his work with his Kelly program and Adam will show him constellations at night before bed time. He knows Nigel doesn't remember their names, and when Adam goes to say, "We can do something else Nigel, it's okay," Nigel will always shake his head and respond, "Tell me about your stars, gorgeous."

Adam doesn't know how to explain this feeling in his chest. It's grown in the time that he's spent with Nigel - the warmth, the curiosity, the need. It's the same feeling he gets he looks at the sky at night, and it scares him how much is changing so fast.

\--

They don't have sex, yet. Adam asks why, once, if they're both sexually excited. Nigel always gives him a kiss and says, "I want to do this right."

Adam doesn't know how they could have sex wrong, but he waits because Nigel wants to.

\--

Adam loses his job a week later.

The whole ordeal replays in his head on the way home. Mr. Klieber had brought it up suddenly, had told Adam _no_ no matter how many times he tried to explain why it was unlikely he would find another job or why he wasn't finished with his current project - Kelly was near the final stages of de-fragmentation and if he had just let him _explain_ \- 

He leaves the box with his office bearings in the hallway of his apartment building, too focused on the turning feeling in the pit of his stomach. Pats on the back and well wishes didn't do anything to make him feel better about the situation. In fact he made him feel worse. 

The door to his apartment clicks shut and he goes to stand in front of the mirror to the right of the entryway. His eyes flicker to his tie, his dress shirt, then up to his face. 

_Adam, dude, sorry about that._

_Don't think too much about it, bro. Something will come up, I promise._

_I'm so sorry Adam._

The glass breaks within an instant. His forehead throbs from the impact, but he doesn't cry. He doesn't flinch. He's Adam - He's dumb, dumb, stupid Adam who lost his job and was told that he could get another job, but they don't know that and they had said sorry but were they _really_ sorry and -

A knock at his door draws his attention back from the mirror. He takes a deep breath and focuses. The knocking persists and he goes to the door slowly.

Adam allows himself to smile when he sees Nigel standing there. The man is holding the box - full of his office supplies and microchips unfinished - and looking at Adam with a strange expression.

"What the fuck happened to your head?"

Adam blinks, "My head?"

"You're bleeding, gorgeous, _fuck_ \- "

Nigel shoves his way into Adam's apartment and Adam doesn't stop him. The fact that Nigel is here is enough to make him feel better, even if it's only to return his box.

"I hit my head against the mirror." He follows Nigel as the man rummages through his bathroom, looking for something. "It doesn't hurt and the bleeding should stop within - "

"Sit down," Nigel waves to the toilet. "It's dripping down your face, darling."

Adam does as told, sitting and resting his hands on his bent knees. "Please don't go through my things, I have a set place for them - "

"Adam," Nigel kneels down to look at him eye level. Adam swallows and looks at him and feels his heart beat pick up from the short distance between them. 

Nigel is looking at him with - with - Adam knows his frustration is building as he tries to recall the expression. Sadness? Concern? 

"Are you mad at me?" Adam whispers. The turning feeling in his stomach from earlier is back. Nigel is looking at him with nearly the same face that Mr. Klieber had. No matter how much more attractive Nigel is than Mr. Klieber, it doesn't help make the expression any more appealing.

"No darling, I'm not mad." Nigel starts to wipe away at the cut on Adam's forehead. "I'd like to know what caused you to hurt yourself." 

"I got fired," Adam says. He doesn't wince as the alcohol pad is swiped over the cut, or when the antibiotic ointment is applied. His breath does hitch when Nigel leans in to place the band-aid over his cut. 

"You? The smartest guy I know got fired?" Nigel's frown deepens and he leans back. Adam can tell the definite confusion on his face now. "What fucking company were you working for?"

"Replay Ink. I told you before I'm an electric engineer - was an electric engineer..." His voice trails off and he looks at the ground, eyes training themselves on the scuff of Nigel's shoes. "I focused too much on my Kelly project and I don't understand how quantity could be higher than quality because the end result - "

"I know, gorgeous." Nigel puts both of his hands onto Adam's shoulders, drawing his focus back to him. "Look at me, okay? You're better than them. I don't care if they fired you or not - "

"But they did!"

"It doesn't matter, okay? Because you're going to get a better job. A bigger and better job. You're smart and beautiful and anyone would be crazy not to hire you."

Adam frowns. "I don't think my physical attractiveness should be reliant on be obtaining a job."

Nigel smiles, though, and leans in to press a kiss to his lips. "Then I'll just keep it all to myself."

Adam wants to say that it's impossible to keep someone's attractiveness, but Nigel kissed him. Adam doesn't know why, but all of his thoughts fade away whenever he's intimate with Nigel. He can't think about much of anything aside from the pressure of their mouths together.

"Are we - Are we dating?" Adam asks. "We kiss a lot and I'd really like to have sex with you and I'd also like to show you my star projections and I don't like the idea of you doing those things with other people."

Nigel is still smiling and leans in to press another kiss to Adam's mouth. "We can be called whatever you want, gorgeous."

"I - "

" _Adam?_ "

Both Adam and Nigel look up towards the hallway. The voice is a woman's, and she calls out another Adam before he recognizes it; his upstairs neighbor, Beth. He hesitates to move, not wanting to leave the warm comfort of Nigel being so close to him - even if they are in the bathroom.

The knocking starts and Nigel is the one to move first. "Stay here," He says, and he's up on his feet and out the bathroom towards the front door. Adam sits and listens, wondering why Nigel didn't want him to follow.

He can hear the front door open and Adam can't stand to sit still. He gets up and peers out of the bathroom doorway, looks down the hall, and sees Nigel standing at the entrance to his apartment. He has a bored expression, from what Adam can tell. He sees Beth as well, looking much like Nigel did earlier. Concern, he wonders? He doesn't know why she would be concerned; they've hardly spoken at all, aside from a few hello's and goodbye's, since their previous two conversations.

"I need to see Adam - " Beth tries to push her way inside, but Nigel's arm is up against the door's frame blocking her.

"He's not feeling well, but I've got it covered Bethany."

"My name isn't _Bethany_ , it's just Beth - "

"Do I look like I give a damn? I'm taking care of him, so don't worry yourself over it."

"I need to see for myself that he's okay. I saw him earlier and he looked upset - !"

"Exactly, he doesn't need to be bothered with any more fucking company." Nigel pushes himself off the door frame and shuts the door, practically slamming it in her face. Adam can hear her sigh loudly from the hallway, but eventually she goes back up to her own apartment.

"That wasn't very nice," Adam says. "She was asking if I was okay."

"And you are," Nigel replies. "I reassured her."

"Oh." Adam looks down. "Thank you."

"Hey," Nigel reaches up and cups Adam's cheek, tilting his head up. Adam looks up and Nigel presses a quick kiss to his mouth. Again, he feels like he's melting - he's felt this way every time he's kissed Nigel. He knows no human can actually melt from a kiss, but his insides feel so warm, too warm with every intimate press of their lips. He doesn't want to stop, but it's overwhelming and he has to - he needs to - 

"I have to show you something," Adam whispers, slightly out of breath. He doesn't wait for Nigel's reply, instead he drags the man to the couch. "Please, sit down." 

Nigel obeys, sits down and looks at Adam in wonder - he assumes, at least. Not quite confusion, but something in his expression makes Adam nervous. 

He turns off the light to the living room before going back over to the coffee table. Adam leans down and turns on the projector that's sitting there, and suddenly the room is filled with space; expanding and moving and glittering with millions upon millions of stars. The projection bounces off every wall in the room and Adam takes a steady, heaving sigh of contentment.

"Because it looks like this people think of it as still...even though we know its expanding. All parts of the universe are moving away from one another...most of them faster than the speed of light, except for - well, nothing goes through space faster than the speed of light. But space itself is growing, always moving. Just recently it's started to expand again, like it did when the Big Bang formed, and no one knows why. It's been slow for so long but it's picking up speed and eventually...This - this is what I feel. With you, that is. I..."

Adam takes another sigh, shuddering with nerves this time. 

"I don't know how to explain my emotions well. I told you before about having Aspergers, but this is a way I can let you know...I feel like this projection. The universe is expanding and every time I look at these images I feel like this with you. My heart feels like it's growing every time I look at you, and while it's physically impossible for a human heart to grow from feelings, it doesn't make sense any other way I try to comprehend it."

Adam doesn't want to look at Nigel, so he keeps his eyes on the stars. The projection eventually fades into the images of planets he has stored on his hard drive. The planets move rapidly, away from each other and eventually out of the projection before it fades to black. 

"I - I could tell you about the M-brane theory, if you're interested?" Adam asks, fidgeting where he stands. He hears Nigel move from the couch and feels his arms wrap around him, settling against his stomach. His insides twist and turn and he feels a brief kiss placed against his neck.

"Amazing," Nigel whispers. His chest is pressed to Adam's back, more too warm pressure filling Adam's body. Adam hums and leans back against him, liking the moment. Nigel and stars and home and - and - 

And he remembers that he lost his job, and remembers the meeting with his father's financial adviser with Harlan tomorrow and tenses. His chest tightens and he knows it's only a matter of minutes before he'll be in full panic. 

But Nigel shushes him and holds him impossibly closer and feels another kiss against his shoulder. "Focus on me, darling. I've got you."

Adam nods and counts the beats of Nigel's heart. He can feel the rhythm against his back, can feel Nigel's pulse in his hand as he holds it against his stomach. _One, two, three, four_...He takes a deep breath and exhales, and another kiss is pressed to his neck this time.

"Again, gorgeous."

 _One, two, three, four_...

They stay like that, standing in the dark of the room for what feels like hours, but Adam knows it's only been maybe ten minutes. His panic recedes and he can feel the calm wash over him for the moment.

"Are you hungry?" Nigel asks, voice soft against his ear. Adam glances at the clock and strains to see - it's nearly six, nearly time for dinner, and he nods.

"Will you stay?" Adam twists to look at Nigel. Nigel chuckles and captures his mouth for a deeper kiss, drawing the seconds out between them.

"Forever, if you'll have me."

"I meant for dinner. But...I would like forever too."

 

\--

The meeting with his father's financial advisor is stressful.

One moment they're discussing the funds that his father left for Adam and Harlan - a decent sum despite the debts that still need to be paid - and the next moment the financial advisor is talking about selling his apartment.

"So, assuming you sell, after closing fees and taxes, et cetera - "

Adam frowns. "Sell what?"

"We - " The advisor gestures between himself and Harlan, " - assumed you would want to move into a smaller place."

"Move?" Adam's confusion heightens. "I don't want to move."

"Without your father's income, the mortgage payments are - "

He can feel his resolve crumbling. Heart palpitations, sweating, his anxiety is rising at an alarming rate. "But I - "

"Maybe think about moving to another state. Think of it as a new opportunity."

"Mr. Wardlow, you have to understand," Harlan interjects, "that Adam has never been out of the city alone in his life."

Mr. Wardlow, the financial advisor, nods. "Well, with the income from your job - "

"I-I don't have a job. I was fired from my job," Adam says shakily, "but I won't sell my house." He can't sit still and instead stands and starts pacing. Harlan tries to interrupt again, knows Adam is close to a melt down, but Mr. Wardlow seems oblivious.

"Mr. Raki, please - "

"Go away!" Adam stands up, shaking violently now with his hands clutching his face. "You're hurting my ears! I'm not selling my house. I'm not selling my house!"

"Adam, calm down - cross your arms over your chest - " Harlan crosses his own arms, tries to get Adam to do the same. "Deep breaths, okay?"

Adam doesn't say anything and Harlan internally curses. He fumbles to get the cell phone out of Adam's pocket, scrolling through the contacts before dialing one of the numbers. 

"Mr. Wardlow, are we done?" Harlan asks, turning to the advisor who looks just as shaken as Adam does, leaning against the desk. He doesn't wait for an answer before bringing his attention back to the phone pressed against his ear. "Nigel? Nigel, it's Harlan."

\--

Nigel meets the two of them outside the apartment complex. Adam doesn't wait for Harlan's goodbye, already rushing out of the car and into Nigel's arms on the stoop.

Harlan shakes his head and drives off. He hopes to God that some sense can be talked into that boy.

\--

"Do you want to tell me what happened?"

Adam sits with his back against Nigel's chest. His laptop sits in front of him on the sofa cushion with a job hunting website pulled up in the browser. He scrolls through the postings, clicking on each and every one that catches his eye to send in his resume and letters of inquiry to.

"No."

Adam can feel the breath blow against his neck from Nigel's sigh. He can tell it's a disappointed sigh; his father used to do them a lot.

"I can't live here anymore without a job." Adam clicks on another link. "Harlan said to worry about applications now and interviews later." He's really worrying about everything now, though. 

Without a job he can't live in his home. He won't live in the same place as Nigel anymore. Nigel won't see him every day and will become distant. Adam can't lose his home, because Nigel - 

"Interviews?" Nigel prompts.

"Interviews don't go over well for me."

"Then we'll practice."

Adam twists to look at Nigel. "Practice?"

"Yes," Nigel says and leans in to kiss below Adam's ear. "We can practice what you'll say in your interview, until you feel comfortable with the process. Darko and I used to do the same thing when we would talk negotiations."

Adam remembers the very few times Nigel has mentioned Darko; a friend and business partner from Bucharest, who is still in Romania because of his wife and son and because he runs a very successful club there.

"Were you nervous?" Adam asks.

"Before a trade? Always." Nigel pulls the boy closer to him. "Things could always go wrong, gorgeous, so I had to practice remaining calm if things became stressful."

It makes sense. "Okay."

"But," Nigel leans forward slightly to close Adam's laptop, "I can think of something else we could practice at."

Adam's brow furrows. "Do you mean sex?"

Nigel chuckles, "You see right through me, darling."

"You're a solid mass, Nigel, and I don't have an X-Ray machine available." 

Nigel doesn't respond, instead he pulls Adam from the couch and walks with him into the bedroom. Adam can feel his body heating up from the prospect of tonight. He's thought about it a lot, going so far as to invest in gay porn to add to his meek collection in his closet. While the actors did nothing to help his imagination, he could picture himself easily with Nigel in those intimate situations. 

Adam lets himself be tugged down onto the bed, straddling Nigel's lap. His thighs rest on either side of the man below him, the seams of their crotches nearly touching as Nigel holds his hips gently. 

"Alright?" Nigel asks, soft and quiet. Adam nods frantically, nerves thrumming and pulse racing. He wants this. He's imagined this scenario many times and he doesn't want to back out now. This is new, this is different - but it's okay, because it's Nigel.

"I thought you wanted to do this right." Adam reaches up and lets his hands rest against Nigel's neck. He thumbs against the burlesque woman tattooed on his skin, eyes tracing the curves of the lines as he feels Nigel's hands stray lower. He nearly jumps when one of Nigel's hands stray lower and lower, cupping his backside with a light squeeze.

"I do. I am," He agrees. He leans up to nip at Adam's neck, his other hand coming up to undo the buttons of his shirt. "I wanted to take my time with you, and I'm going to," He says, trailing his mouth down to Adam's collar bone, "right," giving another lingering kiss, "now."

Adam shudders and tries to spread his legs wider, but the fabric of his pants restrains him. He whines and struggles against Nigel's hold and the man chuckles at his impatience.

"Lay down for me, gorgeous."

Adam ends up on his back. The twin bed he has is small, seemingly smaller now that they're trying to fit two grown men on it. But Nigel is over him in an instant, sealing his mouth over Adam's in a harsh kiss. Adam doesn't know where to put his hands and ends up tangling them in Nigel's hair, tugs at the strands and tries to get more of this - more of Nigel, more of the press of their bodies - but Nigel pulls back to ease himself down towards Adam's hips.

Adam closes his eyes and focuses. Nigel touches every inch of his skin that he can. His shirt falls open, exposing his chest, and Nigel licks at each nipple, making them peak and harden before continuing on. 

It's an odd feeling to have someone else touch him. Masturbation has always been satisfying, not too overwhelming because Adam discovered early on where to touch to make himself feel good. But this, Nigel touching where he will, teasing and bypassing where Adam would normally go achieve orgasm easily, is almost too much. He so much as says it, pleading with the man, " _Lower_ Nigel, touch me - " 

Nigel groans as Adam grips his hair tighter. He tries to push the man down further and hears the zipper of his slacks being undone and feels his pants being pushed down his thighs, bunching at his knees. His briefs are tented, his arousal obvious, and Adam thrusts up harshly at the feeling of Nigel's hand running over his erection.

"Nigel - " Adam whines. The briefs are off a moment later and Nigel ducks his head to lick up the underside of his cock. He shudders under each broad stroke of his tongue, sitting up to hunch over Nigel as he works his mouth against Adam. "Nigel, Nigel, _Nigel_ \- " He heaves, the sensations too much for him."I'm going - I'm going to cum - "

He doesn't stop, and Adam doesn't want him to stop. He knows there's more to sex, more than the heat of Nigel's mouth around him, but he can't bring himself to think of them. His orgasm washes over him quickly as Nigel almost takes him down to the base and he stutters out, "Nigel, Nigel _please_ \- " and keeps giving small, minuscule thrusts as Nigel swallows his release.

Adam pants and heaves and falls backwards onto the bed. Sweat runs down his face and his body feels soaked. He feels Nigel move away from his overly sensitive cock and kiss his way back up his body. 

"Good?" Nigel whispers, grinning wide at Adam, and Adam can't help but grin back at the man. The endorphins are rushing through his system, every nerve more alight than before, and he presses up to give Nigel a kiss. The saltiness of his release isn't that unpleasant, surprisingly.

"Are you still erect?" Adam asks, looking down to see Nigel's pants still tented with strain. "I want to..."

Nigel gulps and moves up on his knees. He pushes his pants down to his mid thigh and moans at the first contact of Adam's hand against his erection.

"Adam - _gorgeous_ \- "

Adam bites his lip and twists his hand up and down Nigel's cock. The pre-cum makes the glide of his hand easier and he watches, rapt with attention, as more wells up at the tip of Nigel's cock. He plays with the tip, watches the foreskin of Nigel's uncut erection glide over the red head easily.

"You're extremely wet..." He sighs out, somewhat amazed. Adam keeps stroking and gives his cock a light squeeze before Nigel nearly doubles over. He braces his hands on either side of Adam's hips, presses his forehead against Adam's shoulder, and groans out, " _Almost..._ "

Nigel's hips stutter for a moment before he cums. His release hits Adam's bare stomach and coats the hand that's still stroking him. Adam only stops when he hears Nigel wheeze and shiver from the over-sensitivity.

"Does your foreskin make sex more pleasurable?" Adam asks after a moment when Nigel's breathing evens out. 

"It's...more stimulating." Nigel says, moving to suck at Adam's neck and worry the skin. " _Fuck_ , Adam..."

"Was it okay?" Adam's breath hitches as he feels Nigel's teeth against his skin. "I - I liked it a lot. I'd like to have more sex. Not now, but later. Soon. Tomorrow, preferably."

"Darling," Nigel laughs against his neck, "just say the word and I'm all yours."

\--

"Adam!"

Adam glances back to see Beth standing behind him. He's just gotten back from the grocery store, with several boxes of All-Bran cereal in a bag tucked underneath his arm. He knows Nigel will bring home milk later. _Non-fat_ , he reminded him earlier.

"Hello." Adam turns back to unlock his apartment door, but Beth stops him again.

"Hey, hi, I was wondering if you'd like to come out with me? Tonight?"

Adam pauses. "...Come out with you?"

"Yeah. My friends are having this thing tonight in celebration of their new baby, and they said I could bring a plus one - "

"Oh."

" - and I thought you might like to come. You know, I never see you anymore. I know you might be busy with that guy - "

"Nigel."

"Nigel, yes. Well, I thought it might be nice to see people other than him."

Adam frowns at that. "Why would I need to see people other than Nigel? Nigel is nice."

Beth nods slowly. "Nice...isn't the word I would use for him. He might be nice to you, but..."

"He helps Mrs. Graham with her laundry on Tuesdays."

Beth rolls her eyes, "That's not what I - "

"He changed Harlan's tire yesterday when it was flat."

"Adam - "

"He helped me fill out eighty-seven applications and letters of inquiry because I lost my job."

Beth's eyes widen. "Oh, wow, that's a lot - You lost your job?"

"Two weeks ago. But Nigel is helping me."

"Adam, look, I know guys like him. I dated someone like that, and he might be nice now, but sooner or later you're going to realize he's not a good person in the end."

"I don't like how rude you're being about Nigel," Adam says. He grips the bag in his hand tightly, feeling anger rush through him. "You - You don't know him like I do. You've only see his appearance and - and you don't know what you're talking about." He turns back to his apartment door and unlocks it shakily. "Please don't bother me again."

He rushes into his apartment without another look back at Beth. When the door clicks shut he heaves a deep sigh and closes his eyes.

Why would Beth say these things? She knows nothing about Nigel. Nigel is good to him. Nigel makes him smile and lets him talk about what he likes and eats dinner with him every night and helps calm him down and - and -

And Adam loves Nigel.

The bags fall from his hand onto the floor, but Adam doesn't register its contents spilling out. His hands start to shake and he can't help but slide down the door and crumble in on himself.

He loves Nigel. He is in love with Nigel. He looks at Nigel and it's the same feeling he gets when he sees the stars in the night sky. He's compared this feeling to his projection before; expanding and moving at a rapid pace. The tightening of his chest, the shortness of breath, the heat that rises through his body -

He's in love.

Adam can't stop shaking. He tries to control his breathing - in and out, in and out - and wraps his arms around himself. The sudden realization of his feelings is too much, even if it's understandable. When Beth had said those horrible things it made him realize just how much he really knows Nigel and how much he feels for him.

It's okay. He's okay. This isn't a bad thing, he reminds himself. This is anything but bad. 

Except...maybe Nigel _doesn't_ feel the same way. Maybe he isn't in love like Adam is. He doesn't know unless Nigel tells him, and who knows if he will ever tell Adam that he is. If he is.

Adam knows he could ask. Nigel is honest with him and would tell him if he loved Adam or not. He isn't afraid of disagreeing with Adam on some things, nor is he a liar. He tells Adam things that most people don't want to know, but Adam would rather know every truth than ever have one lie spoken to him. He knows about Nigel's drug dealings and knows about his life in Bucharest with Gabi. He knows how he really got that scar on his forehead. He knows that Nigel is working on becoming a better person because Adam wants him to be safe. He knows he's not doing anything illegal currently because Adam asked him not to. He knows Nigel is trying for him.

In all likelihood, Nigel probably loves Adam. But...

But he doesn't really know without the words spoken to him. He can't assume. Adam doesn't want to assume and be wrong and make things difficult between them.

Slowly, ever so slowly, Adam gets up off the floor and picks up the boxes of cereal that lay across the floor. He makes his way into the kitchen and puts them in their proper place in the cabinet. He takes a deep breath as he puts his reusable grocery bag in the closet. He's still shaking, but it's receding enough that he's okay. He's fine.

He'll ask Nigel. He will. Not now, but soon.

Soon.

\--

He gets an email from Halloran Industries about his recent application.

"They want me to come in for an interview," Adam says. He's lying in bed with Nigel and the other man has his arm around Adam, pulling him against his chest. The feeling of chest hair tickling his back is a sensation Adam didn't think he would grow to like, but Nigel is warm and comfortable and Adam finds himself trying to press himself back against him as much as possible.

"What day?" Nigel asks. He's half asleep and his voice is rough, grogginess evident. 

"February third...seventeen days from now."

Nigel hums and nuzzles the back of Adam's neck. "Then that's how long we have to practice."

"They'll think I'm a freak," Adam says in a hushed voice. "I can't - "

"You can," Nigel mumbles. "You know this job. You're practically a cosmonaut, and you just need to let them know how qualified you are."

"That's impossible." Adam reaches down and holds Nigel's hand in between his own, traces the ridges of his knuckles. He shouldn't distract himself by fidgeting, but this topic is intimidating. Uncomfortable.

"Sh," Nigel hushes him and starts pressing kisses along his shoulder. "We will practice, gorgeous. Wait and see."

\--

Nigel is standing in his living room with glasses on.

Adam notices the suit, of course. The black jacket and slacks and dress shirt are what Nigel normally wears for work, but the glasses - the glasses are only ever worn when Nigel reads the paper in the morning. Normally Adam doesn't take too much note of them, but when Nigel is dressed in his work attire and adorning the spectacles, it's distracting. Arousing.

He's surprised and erect and he swallows harshly. He needs to focus.

"Mr. Raki? My name is Nigel Ibanescu. I will be the one interviewing you for the position we discussed over the phone."

Nigel looks at him with a stern expression, one that Adam's seen several times on Mr. Klieber. 

"Phone?" Adam asks, confused for a moment.

Nigel quirks a brow. "Remember to greet the person first and foremost."

"Oh - yes. Nice to meet you."

"Eye contact, as well." Nigel smiles now, and Adam forces himself to look up at him. The glasses are still distracting, but he meets Nigel's eyes and nods. 

He can do this. Maybe. 

"If you'll follow me..." Nigel gestures towards the kitchen area and Adam follows. He takes a seat only after Nigel sits down at the opposite end of the table. "Now, Mr. Raki, tell me about your previous work experience..."

\--

He has his interview on February third.

The evening of, he sits in his apartment and waits for Nigel to get home. It's past eight o'clock - past dinner time, past the time that Nigel usually gets home from work.

He knows that some nights run late for the man. Adam knows that Nigel's schedule occasionally throws off his own routine, and he's okay with it. He knows it isn't an every day occurrence, so it's fine. It's okay.

But he's worried. For some unexplainable reason there's an odd turning sensation in his stomach. The uneasiness is distracting and his fingers thrum against the couch cushion that he holds against his chest. 

Every so often his eyes catch the clock hanging on the wall. The minutes slowly tick by, one by one by one. 

Adam's phone is on the coffee table. No notifications light up the screen like he desperately hopes they will.

He sits on the couch for three more hours before his body tells him it's time for bed. Adam doesn't eat dinner and his stomach protests the decision as he goes through his bedtime routine. He brushes his teeth and flosses. He puts on his pajamas and crawls into bed and turns off the light.

He stays awake for another hour to stare at his bedroom door. It's still and quiet and there's no audible noise aside from his own breathing. Eventually he can't keep himself awake and falls asleep with the uneasiness still sitting in the pit of his stomach.

Nigel doesn't come home that night.

\--

Adam gets up the next day to someone banging on his door. 

In the haste of getting up he doesn't remember the night before. He doesn't remember that Nigel didn't come home last night. He doesn't remember why his stomach is empty and why his bed is cold. When he stumbles and opens the door and sees Beth standing there with wide, teary eyes and ragged breath, he's certainly confused.

"Beth?" 

"Adam! Adam, it's Nigel, he - "

"Nigel?" Adam looks back into his apartment, expecting Nigel to be dragging himself out of bed. But there's no one aside from himself and Beth. The empty feeling in his stomach is more evident now, tossing and turning and bringing him back to the realization that Nigel isn't there.

Nigel didn't come home last night.

" _Adam_ , Nigel's in the hospital - " Beth tries to explain. "He was found this morning outside the apartment - Adam, are you listening to me?"

His eyes are on the floor and his heart is hammering in his chest. He's trying to process the information - Nigel's in the hospital. Nigel's hurt. Nigel didn't come home last night because - 

Beth watches, rapt, as Adam fumbles to get his shoes on and grab a coat from the closet. He can't think of anything else aside from _Nigel_ and _hurt_ and _hospital_ and pushes past Beth out of the apartment. He's frantic, looking either way to try and remember which way the hospital is - _which way did they take his dad, which way did the ambulance go_ \- and hurries past the gates and runs down the sidewalk.

He should call Harlan. He should have asked Beth to take him, but he can't stop. Adam avoids the subway and tries to think of the alternative routes, tries to remember what streets the ambulance went last time something like this happened. 

Eventually he can start to see the building in sight - still just as overbearing as it was months ago - and hurries through the crowd that's using the crosswalk, hurries past the doors of the hospital's main entrance, hurries past the coughing and sneezing and bleeding patrons and quickly says to the receptionist, "I need to know where Nigel Ibanescu is now."

"He's currently in surgery - " She tries to explain, but Adam is breaking down. He starts to shake, starts to clench and unclench his hands into fists.

"What room will he be in?" Adam persists. He can feel the pressure of tears behind his eyes. "I need to know - he's my boyfriend and I love him and I need to _know_ \- "

"Adam!"

He turns to see Harlan calling out to him and he can't stop the tears that flow now. His hands are over his ears and his chest hurts so much. He needs to see Nigel, he needs to know - 

"Adam, arms across your chest. Come on now - " Harlan says.

"He's a liar. He lied to me!" Adam spits, curling in on himself. "He said he wouldn't get hurt. I hate him, I _hate_ him! He told me he would be okay but he's hurt and he lied to me - "

"Adam, come here." Harlan pulls Adam by the arm away from the reception desk and into the corner of the waiting room. "You need to breath, boy. In and out, okay?"

Adam shakes his head, too distraught to focus on his inhales and exhales. The woman said Nigel was in surgery, but she didn't say why.

"I - I need to see Nigel. I need him." Adam holds himself and cries and Harlan pushes him to sit down before going back over to the desk.

An hour passes before they're both escorted to one of the patient rooms. 

Adam's face is raw from rubbing his continuous tears away. 

When they get to the room, Nigel is laying in the bed with several layers of gauze wrapped around his chest. Harlan doesn't stop Adam from rushing over to him, instead he stays back and watches Adam. Nigel is still unconscious from his surgery, but Adam just sits down in the chair next to the bed and takes ahold of Nigel's hand. 

Harlan leaves after a few minutes and tells Adam he'll be back with some clothes and food. He doubts the boy will think of anything else besides the man on the bed with one foot in the grave.

\--

Adam stares at Nigel as he sleeps. His face is worn with laugh lines and wrinkles. The scar on his forehead stands out against the hospital's flouresant lights. The gauze wrapped around his chest is a stark contrast against his tanned skin.

As he looks at Nigel he thinks. He thinks of his job interview yesterday and thinks of how he hasn't eaten in over twenty hours. He thinks of how cold his bed was last night and this morning, and thinks of the distress that came from Nigel not being there. 

He thinks about how he's in love with Nigel and how he was more upset with Nigel's absence than he was with his ruined routine. He thinks about the nauseating feeling from last night and wonders if this was the reason his body was uneasy. He couldn't have known something had happened to Nigel, yet here they are; Nigel with a wound and Adam hovering over his bed side.

"I love you," Adam whispers. The hand that's holding Nigel's tightens and he gives a shuddering breath before closing his eyes. He knows Nigel can't hear him, but he says the words aloud anyway. "I hate you but I love you and I don't know how to handle this."

Then Adam feels his hand being squeezed and he opens his eyes to see Nigel giving him a small, worn out smile. His eyes are barely open and he's weak, but he tugs at Adam's hand and says softly, "Hey, gorgeous."

"Nigel!" Adam can't keep the excitement from his voice. The turning in his gut settles for the moment and he has to hold himself back from getting on the bed with Nigel. He's awake and he's okay and he's - he's - 

He got hurt and didn't come home last night and Adam gulps.

"You didn't come home. I didn't know - " Adam's breath hitches. "I don't know what happened - "

"Hey, hey - " Nigel holds his hand tighter and groans when he tries to sit up. "I'm sorry, gorgeous, I tried - _fuck_ \- "

"D - Don't move!" Adam snaps. "You're hurt and - and the average recovery time is - "

"I'm - _fucking Hell_ \- " Nigel winces and falls back against the pillows. He puts his other hand over his wounded chest and hisses at the contact. "They did a number on me..."

"A number? I don't understand - " 

"They hurt me badly, darling, that's all," Nigel reassures him. "I'm sorry I didn't come home last night. Negotiations for my termination went bad and they decided to rough me up for the trouble I've caused."

Adam looks down at the wrapped wound and bites his lip. "Termination?"

"I tried to quit," Nigel says, "because I knew you were going to get that job. You worked so hard during our practices that I decided I needed to try harder as well."

"Nigel..." Adam starts, but Nigel shushes him.

"I took care of it. But like I said, they hurt me bad, and I passed out on my way. I thought I could make it and patch myself up but - "

"You could have called me," Adam says. "I waited for you to call me because you were late and you always call but I knew you were working so I didn't want to - "

"Hey, hey, gorgeous, it's okay. You can always call me, even at work." Nigel slowly brings their joined hands together and pressed a kiss to Adam's palm. "Always, okay?"

Adam can feel the pressure of tears behind his eyes again. He nods in agreement before looking down at the the wound again. 

"Go back to sleep, Nigel," Adam says and brings their hands back down to rest against the bed spread. "Harlan is bringing me some clothes and you need to rest because the recovery time - "

"I'll be good as new in no time," Nigel reassures him and closes his eyes. "Are you staying after you change?"

"Always."

\--

Nigel spends a week in the hospital.

In that week Adam has barely left his side. Harlan brought a bag of clothes, his laptop, and a stack of pamphlets for Adam to order take out from, knowing he wouldn't eat the hospital food during his extended stay.

For most of the week Nigel's been asleep and Adam's kept to himself sitting in the chair next to his bed. He's slept on a cot the nurses brought in on the first night. It isn't a big deviation from their normal routine, aside from the location, and Adam deals with it because Nigel is there. 

When he's released Harlan drives them back to their apartment and helps Nigel into Adam's room. The doctors say he's lucky the gunshot didn't hit anything vital, but he's needs to take it as easy as possible over the next few weeks of recovery. Adam makes sure to write out the redressing schedule for his wound and the times to take his pain killers. 

"Call me if you need anything," Harlan says. He pats Adam on the shoulder when he leaves and Adam fidgets as he goes back inside to Nigel.

He didn't tell him about how his interview went. He didn't want to add to the stress of their hospital stay. But they're home now and Nigel is okay and he has to say something, because Nigel assumes he got the job. 

"I didn't get the job."

He stands in the doorway of his room - their room, unofficially - with his arms crossed and his eyes averting Nigel's. He waits for Nigel to say something, anything, but the room stays silent and he continues.

"...But they offered me another position. The one I applied for was already taken, but they said I would be perfect for this other job they have."

He risks a glance up and Nigel is sitting up in the bed, looking at Adam with confusion. Adam bites his lip and continues.

"It's - they want me to engineer microchips for satellite guidance systems."

"Adam - " 

"But it's - the job is in California. Flintridge, California."

"California?"

"Yes. They want me to move to there by the end of April. And I - I want to go. With you. I want to go to California with you." Adam swallows harshly and hugs himself tighter. "Because I love you."

He watches as Nigel processes his words. He watches Nigel's eyes widen, watches as his jaw slacks for a moment in surprise. His heart feels like it's about to burst as Nigel gets out of the bed - slowly, carefully - and walks over to him. 

Nigel is looking at him like he's something special - like how Adam looks at stars, like how Adam looks at Nigel. Adam swallows again against the lump in his throat, waiting for Nigel to say something, anything.

"I'm sorry I waited to tell you. But you were hurt and we needed to focus on your injuries and I know how I get overwhelmed with important information and I didn't want you to relapse just in case and - "

"Adam, gorgeous, _stop_ \- " Nigel reaches up and cups Adam's face with both of his hands. "Look at me, okay?"

"Okay."

Nigel rubs his thumb against the sink of Adam's cheek and their eyes meet. It's been easier to look at Nigel now that he's practiced with faux interviews, and he lets himself focus on the warmth of his gaze.

"You want to move to California?" Nigel asks. 

"Yes."

"You want me to move with you?"

Adam nods. "Very much."

"You love me?" Nigel whispers, letting a smile come to his face. "Really?"

"I love you, Nigel." Adam lets out a deep breath. "I - I need you to come with me to help me find a house and help me learn how to get to work, but I..." He lets his eyes flicker down for a moment. "I like listening to you talk in Romanian when you're upset but I don't like you being upset so I'm fine with never hearing it. I like that you've developed a habit of chewing gum after smoking so that I don't have to taste the nicotine from your cigarettes. I like your smile and that you smile because I've done something even if I don't know what it is I did. I like your unfashionable shirts. I like kissing you in the morning before work. I want to keep you. I know you can't keep a person but I - I look at you and I can't understand why Beth says awful things about you because you make me happy. Even if you lied to me about getting hurt I know you didn't mean to...You listen and we have dinner together and - and I want to keep you always. I need you to move with me because of upsetting social situations but I want you to move with me because I love you and I can't think of my life without you anymore."

Adam pauses before he looks back up at Nigel - and Nigel is _crying_. 

"Nigel please don't cry. I'm sorry - You know I can ramble and say the wrong things and I meant what I said but I didn't - "

"I love you, gorgeous. Fuck, I _love_ you," Nigel chokes out, taking one hand from Adam's cheek to cover his face. "I'm not upset, I'm happy."

"But why are you crying if you're happy?" Adam asks. He's confused because why would you cry from happiness? Nothing makes sense except - "You - You love me?"

"I fucking love you, Adam Raki," Nigel laughs, "I've been in love with you, darling, from the moment I saw you."

"But you didn't know me then."

"It's - " Nigel sniffs and wipes away the tears that stain his cheeks. "I'm that kind of person, darling. You remember that I loved Gabi even when I never saw her face, only heard her music? It's like that. I looked at you and I thought, this kid is gonna be important to me."

"Oh. I looked at you and thought you were very attractive."

Nigel laughs again and wraps his arms around Adam, holding him close. "That goes without saying." 

Adam lets himself smile into the embrace and puts his arms around Nigel's back, clinging onto the fabric of his shirt. "Does this mean you're moving to California with me?"

"I'll move to the fucking moon with you, gorgeous."

\--

Harlan drives them to the airport in the middle of April.

He bids them both a farewell as he takes them to the check-in area. He reminds Adam to call him if anything happens. He hugs the boy and gives Nigel a firm handshake. He's nervous about letting them leave, but Harlan knows Adam's in good hands.

Beth doesn't say goodbye. Adam hasn't said anything to her, too busy worrying over moving and having an anxiety attack every other day about leaving the home he's known for over twenty-nine years. Nigel has taken care of most of the hassle that comes with hiring a moving truck and booking airline tickets. He's been healing well over the last couple of months and has promised to find a better, safer job once they reach California.

Adam can already feel his anxiety flaring up again from the impending flight. But Nigel holds his hand and gives it a squeeze as they pass through security and settle in to wait for their plane to arrive. 

Adam doesn't know what to do in this situation - moving, preparing for a new job, building a new life outside of his realm of understanding - but he has Nigel, and he makes it okay. Always.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Spacedogs appreciation week, all. 8)
> 
> Normally I horrendously draw things for events like this, but ya know, I decided to try and horrendously write instead haha.
> 
> No beta, so all mistakes have been my own.


End file.
